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Should I?
Apr 24, 2017 2:20:13 GMT
via mobile
Post by Anaris on Apr 24, 2017 2:20:13 GMT
Hey I was wondering about your guys opinions about this hobby and having a relationship, like a girlfriend or wife. I recently went through a break up a month ago, with a girl who really didn't like this hobby and called me a nerd for it. She didn't break up because of it but still.
Anyways I have a hot date with a girl this weekend who I've known for a year. She is smoking hot. She is like the hottest girl I will have went out with up till this point. Like she is really beautiful, not bragging just facts.
I'm thinking if we hit it off, if I should break off this hobby.
How does your wife or girlfriend feel about it? I know we shouldn't change for people, but damn I probably won't have time for this hobby if me and her become a thing.
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Post by grandmasterwang on Apr 24, 2017 3:22:26 GMT
Hey I was wondering about your guys opinions about this hobby and having a relationship, like a girlfriend or wife. I recently went through a break up a month ago, with a girl who really didn't like this hobby and called me a nerd for it. She didn't break up because of it but still. Anyways I have a hot date with a girl this weekend who I've known for a year. She is smoking hot. She is like the hottest girl I will have went out with up till this point. Like she is really beautiful, not bragging just facts. I'm thinking if we hit it off, if I should break off this hobby. How does your wife or girlfriend feel about it? I know we shouldn't change for people, but damn I probably won't have time for this hobby if me and her become a thing. Honestly.... don't be weak. Breaking off something that you enjoy for a female is a 'itch' move haha....also, if this chick you are currently putting on a pedestal will actually lose respect and attraction to you if you were to 'bend the knee' to your presumption of her whims so easy. That said, no need to bring up Warhammer on your first date. Basically, anaris and this is some real advice, you want to get the girl but not compromise yourself to do so. Ideal situation is you get her infatuated with you so that when she does eventually find out about your more geeky/nerdy side she either accepts it or feels she need to pretend to like it just to keep your amazing self! Also, if you do want to 'expose' the Warhammer side to her or any other girl you are romantically involved with I would recommend touting the artistic side first, lore side second and gaming side last. You'd be surprised at just how similar miniature painting and makeup application is. Confidence is key, if you lack the confidence in yourself due to engaging in certain pursuits (Warhammer) and your 'fear' of how she will judge you for them then you will struggle to get her anyway. Play this like a complete Boss anaris and you could end up having this hottie painting YOUR miniatures for you
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Post by grandmasterwang on Apr 24, 2017 3:29:32 GMT
My wife only found out that I was into Warhammer and video games months after we had been dating. She was certainly not a fan of either of those things but by then it was far too late for her and she was already trapped by my irresistible gravitational pull😄
Now, years later she happily watches painting tutorials with me, has had a couple of Warhammer battles and knows a passable amount of the lore and has painted a couple of figurines.
Anaris, you collect High Elves...... dropping something to please someone else is something a commoner would do.........you want to be a noble.... you have a much better chance of getting the girl that way.
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Post by frozenfood on Apr 24, 2017 4:43:44 GMT
Agree with above. All nerdish things are okay with all the girlfriends I've had but it's not something you bring up on a first date. If she's not into the scene then larping and warhammer is something to mention on a third date. My wife likes to watch fantasy series and play fantasy board games, which was my influence. She doesn't like roleplaying in any form and warhammer has too many rules but she's okay with it.
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Post by Horace on Apr 24, 2017 8:32:16 GMT
Haha, the Warhammer shame. In all seriousness if someone doesn't like you because you play a board game they are probably not worth the hard work & effort a relationship requires. As others have said, you don't have to introduce her to your true geekiness straight up on the first date, you hide that stuff til later down the track. Everyone does this! And then you can always introduce it bit by bit, painting miniatures is far less geeky than the actual playing in my opinion I think my Mrs knew fairly quick I was into geeky stuff (I love most of that stuff except comics really), but then I just corrupted her to do the same things
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Post by frozenfood on Apr 24, 2017 11:11:42 GMT
If the subject comes up, first say that you play wargames. Like boardgames but with armies. If you start by explaining the age old grudges between the different races you might scare her off to the fields of the tomb kings...
I always said that I spent weekends with 140 people in my full plate armour. The orcs and fireballs are for further down the line.
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stirling
New Member
Attempting to slowly build up a Wood Elf army.
Posts: 27
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Post by stirling on Apr 24, 2017 17:11:09 GMT
No, don't break off the hobby for it. Maybe be willing to slow things down though like others have said. Even if you are in a relationship where both people like each other enough to get married, it still is a HUGE adjustment (years) to really get to know each other thoroughly. And for some, it takes years to accept the other person as he/she is, rather than try to change them into what they believe he/she should be. My wife is totally okay with Warhammer now. She wasn't at first cause it was so weird and downright foreign to her. She used to hate when I would spend time thinking about it or want to spend some money on it. But she understands now that it is just something I like. I don't get on her case when she wants to spend time and money on things she likes. She still thinks it is pretty dumb, but she is accepting of it because she accepts me as I am. If she loves you, ultimately she'll come around to understanding that it's a legitimate hobby and she'll accept it. We've been married 14 years, FYI. Good luck
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Post by mottdon on Apr 24, 2017 17:12:18 GMT
Lol, some really sage advice here.
I dated a girl a while back who was SUPER hot. She was in all kinds of pagents and seemingly had it all together. Over time, she discovered more and more about my geekiness and literally made fun of me for it. I was miserable. For the longest time I thought I was doing the right thing in being a man and sticking it out, "getting over" the teasing, and giving into her demands. I finally came to my senses when we went out to eat with a good friend of mine. She berated me in front of him and the restaurant and also made fun of me, hoping that he'd join in on the "fun". When she got up to go to the bathroom, he just looked at me, shook his head and said, "I'm sorry man. I don't know what to say - she's terrible."
Soon after I broke up with her, I met my soon-to-be wife. She was a total breath of fresh air! She accepted me for who I was, likes and dislikes and not only embraced my "geekines" but encouraged it! She bought me things like a PS3 (this was a while back) and went shopping with me at gaming stores. She's not a gamer at all, but since we've been married, she's watched me play and talk enough about Warhammer, Fantasy and Superheroes, that she knows more about the stuff than a lot of geeks I know do!
All that to say, don't let a pretty pair of eyes make you change who you are or what you like. You'll be so much happier if you find someone who can embrace ALL of you. And if they have a problem with you being a geek, then she won't make you happy.
Now, like others here have said, I wouldn't bring it up on the first date. That's like her saying, "Hi! Do you like cats? I LOVE cats! I have a bunch and they take up most of my time! How about you?" That'd scare anyone away. Don't be like that.
Just be sure to be fun and truthful should the circumstance arise. If you can do that, she'll do the same.
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Post by gjnoronh on Apr 24, 2017 17:29:08 GMT
Agree with others. Don't bring it up early. IF a girl is right for you, your hobbies are part of the picture. On the other hand also recognize being in a relationship means compromises on where you spend your time. Being hot doesn't last forever - being a person who loves you for who you are does.
When I was single my coffee table was my painting table while watching bloody movies every evening after work. Twelve years and two kids later no scary movies ever and my painting is in controlled locations in the house. I also can't paint as often as I did pre wife/kids or game as often. That's okay its a compromise that ends up being better overall for my life.
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Post by mahbruck on Apr 24, 2017 17:32:19 GMT
The truth is 99% of 'hot' girls like glamour and Warhammer, along with the rest of tabletop wargames, is well perched at the lowest rung of the Glamorous ladder. There is nothing more of a turn-off to them than either their boyfriend's massive collection of basecoated plastic minis or those boys' penchant to meet like-minded nerds with extremely questionable hygiene to shove those minis around. That's why it's critical for a young Warhammer hobbyist to take on a sport (preferably contact) seriously. Confidence is everything in romance but unfortunately miniature wargames provide the least of it (10 hours of continuous sitting followed by 2 hours of rambling nonsense will do wonder for your estrogen, no !)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2017 20:49:30 GMT
I'll echo what others have said. Don't sacrifice your own interests and values to make yourself into something you're not or into something that you will hate. If she's worth keeping around she will accept you for who you are.
You don't have to tell her everything you're into on the first date, try and keep it a little neutral. I'd wait and tell her/show her until there's been time for a bit of a relationship to develop. Who knows?
My wife doesn't mind what I do, she knows that it's part of the experience of being married to me. She's not interested in painting, not interested in playing (been married 11 years...still no luck. I think she's afraid she'll like it) but she encourages and supports me in what I do because she knows I like it. I don't care for knitting or shopping, but I support her and her interests as well. Relationships are GIVE and take; if she's not willing to give then she is not worth keeping around.
And it's pretty much a given that once you start up a new relationship that your hobby time will plummet. It's expected and frankly nothing to be ashamed about. Spend your time getting to know her and being with her, don't screw up a relationship because you're putting your own needs ahead of hers. (she should be willing to do the same thing too)
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Post by vulcan on Apr 24, 2017 22:12:02 GMT
Leaving behind things you enjoy because you THINK it MIGHT get you a hot girl is making two bets too many.
Besides, you can only spend so much time IN bed with someone. If you can't share the things you enjoy OUT of bed with them, it's going to be a rocky relationship.
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Post by gjnoronh on Apr 27, 2017 11:04:50 GMT
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Post by hiportes on Apr 27, 2017 13:45:02 GMT
I know I'm just repeating what others have said, but never compromise your interests because they aren't some else's interests (love life, friends, family). That leads to a long road of unhappiness and bitterness.
They key to being a healthy nerd gamer (I have found) is confidence and being unapologetic. My warhammer is up on display (along with Malifaux in a display case) in my basement, where all guests eventually see it. In fact, the first time I met my eventual wife, my warhammer was taking up a wall of the living room. I didn't act like it was something to be ashamed of, it was just another piece of my life (which it is, even though one of my favorites), and so she didn't act like it was a big deal that I had it (even if it did scare her a bit). Never apologize for the hobby, and never act like it is something to be ashamed of. If the person is worth it, they will accept this as a part of who you are.
I also think what has helped me is having diversified interests. I love warhammer, and gaming in general (tabletop, board, video, drinking), but it is only one interest. I am a sports junkie (this takes up the rest of my basement -- memorabilia, etc), I enjoy hiking, canoeing, long walks on the beach (actually not), and generally interacting socially with people. This makes it so that warhammer is not my identity, it is only a piece -- thus it doesn't overwhelm with its presence (and having shelves of models on display could otherwise be quite overwhelming!).
Hope this rambling helps!
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Post by gjnoronh on Apr 27, 2017 20:11:24 GMT
Mind you my first date with my wife we went out to dinner and for drinks and then stopped by my apartment on my way to walking her to her car. My room mate was watching the Fellowship of the Ring - my wife to be took one look at the screen and critiqued Peter Jackson for leaving out what she felt were key elements of the book that immediately preceded and followed the scene on the screen that would have made the scene better. A quick glance of the movie and she knew exactly the scene and exactly how it compared to the minutae the bedrock of all fantasy series which I absolutely love and I think almost no other girlfriend of mine had read.
That's when I knew I had a winner.
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